How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
