then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
