He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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