u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
