if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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