Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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