i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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