can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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