So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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