walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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