I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
