i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
