He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can I color on your dick again?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
