I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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