You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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