I love black thongs
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
