I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
