I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
