I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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