she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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