just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
