I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
