i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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