Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
