Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
