we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
