A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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