the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
