he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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