i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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