Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
