Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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