How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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