I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
