Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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