i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
