That's when you crack a 10am beer
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
