the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
