One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
