lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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