I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
