i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
