I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
