She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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