we have pet lesbian snakes
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
