i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
