Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
