Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
