Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
