If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
COCAINE IS GR8
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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