I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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