Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
