Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
