The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
