i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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