Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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