nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
