Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
