dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
