She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
