If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
