what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
