on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We don't watch enough power rangers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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