Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
