On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
