i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize