just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
