I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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