My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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