I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
