i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
